Friday, June 12, 2009

Lawry's Bitches (or how to kill a mongoose) pt. I

Okay now I’ve been annoyed over the past week or so, and I’ve been thinking over a few things and I just decided to write a note because I’m bored, but it does incorporate a few of the things that have been really annoying me. I know that people will get offended, but honestly, I don’t give a shit. I’m serious. If you are offended that just means that you’re guilty of committing one of these offenses.

Despite how long this note may look, it will go by fast because of the truth of what i am saying and the fact that i know that everyone can relate to being annoyed by at least two of the things on this list.

1) I HATE when people are in a relationship with each other and as soon as one party is even a little mad at the other they fight and break up only to get back together two days later. How do you think you will last in the real world of relationships if every time you get mad at your significant other you can’t work through a problem? Nine times out of ten it probably isn’t even a problem and your either a) mad because they’re styling on you or b) mad because they missed something or couldn’t do something. Really? Is your boy/girl friend missing your birthday a reason to dump them? Honestly, do you really think that getting in an argument over them being too arrogant, prissy, et cetera is a reason to dump them? Nine times out of ten what you two are arguing about is most likely the thing that attracted you to the person in the first place. Grow the fuck UP people!

2) I HATE when people get all pissy about something you may or may not do and decide to tell EVERYONE EXCEPT you...that is utterly annoying. Honestly, if you have a problem with me, ADDRESS ME. And by address, I mean either in person or over the phone. Even a text will do. Say “Miah, I’m not quite fond of **insert insult that I may have said here**. Come on now people, what’s the worst that I can say, huh? “Oh you mad???” That’s the worst that I can say. That isn’t even that bad, people.

3) Speaking thus, I'm disgusted with people who decide they are mad at you and take the initiative to delete you from every social website that they are friends with you on. You’re doing too much. I mean if it's really THAT serious, just insult me in public. That will hurt worse.

4) I CAN’T STAND WHEN PEOPLE TYPE IN CAPSLOCK LIKE IT’S THE RIGHT THING TO DO. And I don’t mean for emphasis in conversation. I mean like this:

Miah: hey what’s up

Person: NOTHIN MUCH IM GOOD HOW YOU DOING

Miah: I’m doing swell. Did you go to class???

Person: NAW I DIDN’T BUT I MAY BE THERE NEXT WEEK BECAUSE I KNOW WE GOT A FINAL.

Likewise, h0w ab0ut wh3n th3ii tiip3 liik3 thiis and 3xp3ct n0 0n3 t0 tak3 iissu3 wiith that SHIT? What is the purpose of going to school and learning how to type if you’re not going to use it? And also, why do that shit when you KNOW it takes longer to type like a DICK than it does to type correctly?

5) While on the topic of grammar, I know a lot of people that use shorthand on the internet, for instance: ‘u’ instead of ‘you’, ‘ur’ instead of ‘your’, ‘k’ instead of ‘ok,’ et cetera. People also use abbreviations such as LOL, LMAO, CKMAO, ROFL, SMH, FML, FTW, IKR, et cetera (etc, I just think it looks better typed out). But it is UNACCEPTABLE when you make up your own little weird looking abbreviations. For example:

Miah: hey how you doin

Person: im gud. jus wrkn on sum hmwrk.

Miah: . . . ok . . .

WHAT THE FUCK IS HMWRK??????? Last time I checked, homework already had an abbreviation. Taking the vowels out of a word does NOT make it an abbreviation. It is just taking the vowels out of a word. If you’re going to speak internet, people, speak internet correctly. Stop trying to invent shit.

6) Another thing that really annoys me is when you are in a relationship, and people don’t understand you are in a relationship. We’ve all heard me say something to someone along the lines of “Go away. Yo ass ain’t Jon at all.” I know for a fact, Courtney, Kyle, Arielle, Keysha, and Kris all have lol. I am SERIOUS when I say this statement. When I say “Yo ass ain’t Jon at all,” that does NOT mean try harder to get my attention. Because the next step is me castrating you in front of your friends, which will not be in the best interest of your manhood. We all know that I am very gifted in the art of castration (which is probably the reason that I get deleted so much? Lol). Speaking thus, if you’re not Jon at all, stop trying, please.

7) I hate when people have an unnecessary amount of talent, yet they just sit there and let it waste away. I’m not going to act like I’m the most determined and ambition fueled person in the world because I know I’m not, but at least I’ve determined that I’m colder than most other aspiring artists (at least in charcoal and conte crayon anyways), and I at least strive to be better than everyone in any studio class that I have. If I know I’m good at something I will be better than the best person in my class. Oh wait, that would be me, oops. BUT ANYWAYS, I hate when I have friends that don’t ever do anything with their talents. That pushes me to go into mom mode and Miah does not like to go into mom mode because going into mom mode will lead to me eventually taking off my belt and beating the shit out of you with it, and I don’t mean in that kinky S&M kind of way. I mean in that child abuse go to jail because you accidently took the skin off kind of way. I guess I should just say that lack of ambition is NOT a good look, especially when you have obvious talent. It’s not even a good look when you have NO obvious talent. When you have no obvious talent you should be trying even harder!

8) EMO STATUSES. Dear God. O..M…G. STOP complaining about your sad, sorry, pathetic lives on facebook. Those statuses don’t even make people feel your pain. Nine times out of ten, it makes them say “Damn, this guy/broad is pathetic as hell!” I am so serious for example:
“Muffy Anne Hugh-Jcock wishes that these tears would stop pouring from her eyes like the rain falls from the sky in late May so that she can remember the days of when he actually loved her and **insert excess emo-ness here because I’m not emo so I have no ideas to put**…”
Yeah that shit. FIRST, stop putting your business out there on the internet. Do you know that the internet is about as secure as a wet paper bag? Second, do you know if people see how publicly weak and pathetic you are, they are more likely to try and take advantage of you, leading to more emo ass statuses which will then repeat the cycle of you looking like a dick? Ok I’m done on this topic for now.

This concludes my note on things that really aggravate my life. I will pick up where I left off in part two of this note, which will include numbers 9-14. Leave comments at your leisure, and as always, peace, love, and art.

2 comments:

  1. oh my goodness i love this entire post, especially 8 and i personally needed to hear/read 1 and i am certainly guilty of making up my own abbrevs, they have to start somewhere! lol--shmio

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  2. I'm glad you loved it! Don't forget to read my other posts! You might find them interesting as well!!! :D

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